Full Force

4A91E77F-46C7-49DE-811A-629325BE3D71.jpegThe other day a friend told me that she loved how I went after things full force. Something about the way I dove straight into new things was just so exciting.

It blindsided me.

Really, it  did. For years I was told how I didn’t do anything well, tried to take on too much, or just didn’t know who I really was. Because if I knew the real me, I wouldn’t be doing this or that. It created this thing in me, this fear of sharing with anyone what was stirring in me. Things that I was excited about or lessons I was learning got pushed down. When things did happen for me, or changes in me they seemed out of the blue because all my processing was inside the little bubble of me. I tipped toed around passions and goals, never really sure if it was something I should be going for or even deserve. Everything in my life was done in little baby steps on my toes, like a toddle making their way around a coffee table. Going after something full force did sound like me, that sounds daring, adventurous, brave.

Brave- ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage.

Brave isn’t an adjective that I would have ever pulled into my claimed identity. I don’t know if it was accepting labels that others placed on me or something that I cultivated with my own little hands, but it was far far from how I ever pictured myself. Because for me bravery as an identity was terrifying. Brave meant I couldn’t just live life reacting to what has happening around me. Bravery saddled me with the responsibility, instead of hiding behind someone else’s blame. But, bravery came.

Bravery is an action inspired by healing.

So yes, I am brave now. I bravely fought to move through my past. I learned to process pain in a healthy way, take responsibility for mistakes I made with my own hands, and create boundaries that show who I am and not who I think others want me to be.

Funny enough, that person, runs full force at things she is passionate about and trust that God will direct her as she goes. So I guess I am braver than I thought. But thankfully I don’t have to be brave on my own. I have a community that picks up pom poms, tells me truths, and cheers me on with what ever I’m running after next.

Y’all, just you wait and see what’s coming next!


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